When did "fat" become the new "n" word?! And when did honesty become "bullying"?!

I've had a couple of conversations lately where people have said I can't use the word "fat" to describe myself and I shouldn't use it in general because its derogatory. There's also been a lot of talk of "fat shaming" with the recent FB post of mother of three - Maria Kang's "what's your excuse" image. Somehow people are now treating the word "fat" as derogatory and "bodyracist" in the same way society treats the "n" word. Really?! Are you f'ing
kidding me?!

That body came from not caring and no work

So there's a couple of things to talk about here. First off...I can call MYSELF anything I want. I am describing ME and me alone. The "me I refer to is the one in the picture to the left. I was 5'9", 245 pounds with a 38 inch waist...creeping to 40 inches. There is no other adjective to describe what I was but "fat". That will always be the image in my head...of me. Yes, I know I'm hard on myself. Try being a skinny kid most of your life, then becoming fat and miserable (I won't even get into all the health problems I was suffering from...all of which were exacerbated by the weight) ...and you'd be hard on yourself to stay fit and trim too. I call myself "fluffy" now partly to make light of my personal fat composition struggles and to continue to drive myself to train everyday. But that's me talking about ME. Those people that say "well if he thinks he's fat, what must he think I am?!" are dealing with their OWN problems. I have NEVER called anyone fat nor detracted from others and their fitness journey. I took ownership of my size and health and made changes. I took responsibility for my weight, health and mood. I didn't blame anyone else for it. Sure life may not have been that great at the time and I might've been injured but no one held a gun to my head to keep me out of the gym or eat like it was the apocalypse. I get a hard time from people because they see current me and think I'm naturally this way. My current level of fitness comes from hard work and driving myself to be healthy and fit...and continually motivating myself to be so. And on the flip side of that I just LOVE how my coworkers tell me I'm "manorexic" and I should just "eat a hamburger" because "you're too skinny". What...the...hell?!

Secondly there's an accountability problem in this country. I guess the stats about being the second most obese  nation on the planet (Mexico has us beat) with a jump of 13% of the nation qualified as obese in 1962 to 33.8% of Americans being obese in 2012 isn't "our" fault?! Look, I'm not a fan of every freaking fat food holiday this country "celebrates" (i.e. national donut/candy/ice cream/cake/blond brownie day) but they and the fast food industry didn't make us fat. Our lack of self control of ourselves and our children has made us fat. 

That body came from HARD work and constant effort

Speaking of, I'm 41 (although I think a fit and young looking 41 at that) and I can only remember a handful of obese kids throughout my years of school. Have you looked around lately?! Obesity causing heart attacks is rapidly becoming the number one killer in the 18 and under age group! Are you serious?! Studies show that obesity causes 100k-400k deaths a year and cost our society an estimated $117 BILLION (preventive, diagnostic, treatment, lost work, premature deaths) and EXCEEDS monies spent of alcohol and smoking health care costs. And you have a problem with the word "fat"?! Get over yourself! Its fat. Quit bitching about it and take responsibility for yourself. I'm tired of being politically correct about fat and fat issues ESPECIALLY since I WAS a fat guy and battle everyday to NOT be. Maybe if you stop making excuses, take charge of you own life, quit trying to belittle those that have and actually get your weight under control...you'd live a happier and longer life. One that I'm SURE you're loved ones would appreciate your being in and around for, rather than "lose you early" to crap eating habits and being overweight. And no, I'm not being mean or insulting or a bully...I'm telling the truth. I've lost too many family members to poor health and reasons they could control (almost including myself) to not want to change the "culture" and change myself. Maybe if more people took responsibility for themselves, if doctors and dieticians were honest and we saw each other as part of the solution as opposed to being part of the problem, we'd end up a healthier, fitter nation.  But, I'm sure a lot of people reading this will just think I'm another "fitness Nazi". Ugh.

The Army 10 Miler...every race can't be a PR

Yes, I know that not every race can be a PR but that doesn't mean I don't want to PR each race. Going into the Army 10 Miler (ATM) I was trying to be realistic in my goals. Mostly, given the rehab running and lower mileage post-hip injury, I was trying to focus on a pain free race. While I LOVE the ATM (I should've been racing it every year for the last decade, because I'm always in DC at the time, but hadn't because I was a fat ass-ed,watch it from the sidelines guy) it comes at the end of triathlon season and I'm always banged up and trying to make the best of it. Two years ago it was an ankle, last year back and pelvis and this year it was the hip. Ugh. Well, I tried to have a plan going into the race focusing on proper form/body position/gait and listening to my body to run pain free. That sounded like a good plan at least...

Luckily since I'm familiar with the race and area (and was staying at a hotel about a mile from the start) I walked to my corral with about 25 minutes before start time. It's great to be in the 1st wave but it's daunting to stand around waiting for the start in a herd of Kenyan-looking, long distance runner-looking folks! Even though I was dealing with the hip injury, I decided to wear my Saucony Virratas because I'd hoped the zero drop and lightweight would help me with quicker turnover and get me through the race faster. I just kept going over the course in my head and kept telling myself to focus in body position/gait. The cannon goes off (I mean it is an Army event, we're not gonna use some puny starter pistol) and we get moving. 

Miles 1-6:54, 2-6:46, 3-6:49

I know everyone always says "run your race"...which for me is start way too fast and pay the price. I mean, the race I really want to run is fast out of the gate, getting faster every mile with a podium finish and champagne...so there's that. But...the better way to go is start slower, gauge effort and focus on negative splits after the first third of the race. I thought I was starting slow until I hit the 1st mile mark on a sub 7. Ok, I'm not hurting and feel good so let's see how this goes. The course is flat and miles 2 and 3 went the same way. Ok, relax, focus on gait and form and let's see where this takes me. 

Miles 4-6:56, 5-6:46, 6-7:01

As I hit the 4 mile mark I was surprised that I was feeling good and still running well. Yes, I had a plan but I was feeling really good. Then, I realized that if I can keep this up I'll not only have a good race but I might blow the top of my 10 Miler PR...hence the uptick for mile 5. Coming up on mile 6, I got the tell tale sign of an eroding body position because my right foot nicked my left ankle. That means I was collapsing my left side...again...ugh. Ok, ok, deep breaths and keep going. As I hit mile 6 and the 10k mark I could feel myself slowing down and I felt the speed bleed right out of me. I mean it was like my bubble burst. In one fell swoop my hip started hurting and my speed trailed off.

Miles 7-7:10, 8-7:03, 9-7:10, 10-7:05

The course turns on itself for miles 6-7 and offers a chance to catch your breath and gear up for the last 3 miles. Those miles are on a highway leading back to the Pentagon. It's weird. Racers are out on a highway overpass, there's no crowds and no noise. All you can hear is the sound of feet hitting the ground. Pretty cool indeed. The 9 mile mark is at the exit  ramp for the Pentagon, with a slight downhill and is a great way to build steam into the finish. I just gave all I had toward the finish. I was surprised to see the finishing clock as I closed on the finish. I crossed the line in 70mins. Really? Did I just run that in a 70?1 I DID get a PR! My hip didn't feel great, I didn't have a pain free race...but I took 2 minutes off my 10 Miler PR and was satisfied with the day. Not to mention, I got another one of the coveted Finisher's coins. Those things mean a lot to me and I was happy to not only pick one up but have a PR to boot. Next year is the 30th anniversary of the race...and I"m already started to plan out my race schedule for next year so I can be healthy for it...run somewhere around a 65...and then maybe do the Marine Corps Marathon the following weekend. No rest for the fluffy!

The Army 10 Miler plan...and an amazing surprise

Well, that Army 10 Miler is tomorrow and I've been going over and over it in my head to try to figure out what's the "plan of attack" and what I can actually expect.

I've been dealing with this hip issue, which I have to admit has been feeling a ton better but I also haven't been pushing a race pace on my runs lately. I've focused more on body position and foot placement more than mileage. I actually haven't done anything longer than an 8 mile run (3 weeks ago that lead into my rehab running cycle I've been on) so I don't really know what to expect form a 10 miler under race conditions.

I've been thinking that the best thing to do is take the race in chunks to start by breaking it down into 3 5ks. The first 3 miles should be "body check" to see how the hip feels and to make sure my body position in on track. Since my runs lately have been that, I should be okay. The only "hill" in that 5k will be running up the off ramp of the Arlington Memorial Bridge. The next 4 miles will be relatively flat where keeping a good pace should be easy. The 10k mark should be where I will get the low down on how I feel. If I'm hurting those next 3 miles are gonna suck but if I feel good I should be able to run negatives out to mile 9 and then its a dash to the finish (or if in pain, gallop of the dead) that last mile. So...plan in hand it was time to head to the expo.

While out a ways from the race and in an armory, the expo is decent sized to get your number and pick up some deals on whatever you might need last minute. Walking around the expo I ran into a guy I hadn't seen since we served together in the Rangers 13 years ago! The "whiz" was this unbelievable runner who was known for staying out for longer training runs after normal organized physical training or would leave work and go home for a 10+ miler or more run. The guy was a running demon and in '97 came in 99th overall at the heralded Boston Marathon. While the guys we served with didn't realized that a big deal that was, I was a marathoner and knew that was some rarefied air. He has always been the person I've thought of when upping my mileage and marathon training. Imagine my surprise when we walked by each other a the expo and he recognized me. Imagine my even greater surprise at his saying that I looked 100 times better and more fit than I ever did in the Army and if maybe he could retire from the Army he could train more and look like me! Me? Really? This guy has been my running hero, still looks like a long distance runner and wants to look like me? I was speechless. We spent the next 20 minutes catching up, talking about training and our expectations of the race, exchanged contact info and went about our way. And by that I mean we ran into each other like 4 more times. Here I haven't seen this guy in 13 years and then kept bumping into him. Crazy!

I know I'm hard on myself. I know I say I don't look the way I want or have the times I should have...but it really meant a lot to have a guy I haven't seen in over a decade, who I consider a "real" runner not only tell me I look better than I did but compliment me on my training and racing. Maybe I am doing something right...

Well, time to settle down and get ready for tomorrow's race.

I think "rehabbing" is most definitely one of Dante's 7 circles of Hell...

Okay, so I haven't been wanting to admit it....but I'm hurt. Not in pain, I'm always in pain (not a surprise considering how battered this old, fluffy body is) and not that pain is a bad thing...but I'm hurt...as in injured.

It seems that the crash at Timbermen 70.3 and the impact my left hip absorbed as I hit the pavement left me with some lasting injuries. The fact that I put another 47 miles on the hip (13 of which were running in a modified gait, favoring my left side because of the injury)  just threw my entire body off biomechanically. And...because I didn't address it earlier and continued to log mileage training and racing after Timberman (in all honesty I thought I just had to be careful because of the cracked rib and impact on the rib cage from running) I just injured myself more. After gritting my teeth and fighting through a great finish at the Hero Olympic a few weeks later, I spent the following day home from work because I couldn't physically stand up because the pain was so bad. What was so difficult to understand for me was that I hit the asphalt with my left hip but it was the right one that hurt so badly after a run.

Enter new friend and licensed massage therapist "pain" Lisa (I know too many Lisa's so they each get their own identifier and after her digging in my hip almost brought a tear to my eye..."pain" was apropos). She explained that I "collapsed" my left side due to the injury and therefore hyper-extended my right to compensate. I did that for 13.1 miles of the race, (you can see it in the pic above) then continued to train and race on it for the next two months. Lisa explained that I had developed a compensation pattern (due to landing on the left hip) that had created over-/miss-/dis- use of the right hip flexors and later4al rotators. Essentially, one hell of a muscle sprain. So...that meant shorter runs to "rehab" (focusing on body position, foot position and gait) lots of time warming up and cooling down/stretching after runs (something I don't often or well enough) and my new favorite...LOTS of time sitting on a tennis ball to get deep in my glutes and attachment areas of my quad. Or...as I like to call it...time spent quietly whimpering to myself while watching TV or playing video games to take my mind off the pain (All that time on the roller and ball was torture...only made worse by the fact I never use them. I will be the first to admit that I don't "recover" well. I just want to keep going and never think about the fact that this body has seen a lot of miles and a lot of abuse and NEEDS to be taken care of). But...it started to work and the hip area felt better. I was still able to still lift weights in the gym and ride with no pain but running was only slowly getting better. Then I had an epiphany! Why not get to the track and run it counter clockwise?! That way I could focus on proper foot placement (straddling the lane lines), an upright body position AND since I would be leaning right throughout, I would effectively be stretching my left hip the whole run...GENIUS!!! Three track rehab 5ks and my hip feels fantastic! Granted I'm still off my normal pace but its coming down. Tonight I'll shoot for a 5 or 6 miler on the road and then its the Army 10 Miler this weekend. I was hoping for a PR but considering the last few weeks...I'll gladly take a pain free ten miles instead.

The Lobsterman Triathlon, a bucket list race crossed off to never do again.

Ya, this race recap is a few weeks late but to be honest its taken me this long to purge all the hatred from my soul over it. If you live in New England there are races you "have to do" and the Lobsterman Olympic in Freeport ME is one of them. For the first time I had a group of friends all wanting to do it so even though there was camping involved, yes camping and we'll get to that eventually, but the chance to hang out and race with a group of fellow triathletes was too good to pass up.

So off we went to Maine to pick up registration packets, get to the camping area (which at least was right at the starting area for the race) and set up camp. Unfortunately, mother nature did not feel like cooperating...and it poured most of the day. So much so that we ended up holed up in a local restaurant waiting for a break in the weather. The storm didn't let up until it got dark which meant looking for the camping area to pitch a tent and pitching said tent was done under flashlight/headlights. Now I have to admit that I HATE "camping". I spent 10 years "camping" in the Army and the day I took off my uniform was the day I swore to myself that I'd never sleep outdoors, in a tent, or go without a shower again. But...this was gonna be a different, fun experience right...right?! Ugh. Tent set up and in bed by 9:30 to try and get as much sleep as possible before the sounds of people coming into the race wakes you up.

There was a benefit in being literally 100m meters from the transition area and having the ability to wake up, then walk over for set up. Because of the rain the days prior, the transition area was already a little "mucky" as we set up and all I could think was how terrible it was gonna get as the day dragged on. I never cease to be amazed at the divergence of people's transition areas. So guys were so spread out so much that as athletes walked up they had to ask people to please use less space. This ain't your living room people!

Swim: .93 miles, 44:34
Everything setup, time to get on a wetsuit and head to the water. Oh ya...the water...it was frigid! So cold I wished I had a full wetsuit but I decided to at least do the double swim cap trick to help with holding onto some heat. As we entered the water, I actually missed being a fat kid beecaue the blubber would've insulated me! One of my fellow racers noted that the folks behind us would have a hell of a time navigating in the water because our caps are the same color as the buoys. Prophetic words indeed. I've never been so happy to hear the start command becuase I wanted to generate some heat and get to swimming. It seemed like it took forever to get to the first buoy. We were swimming perpendicular to the current and I felt like I was swiimimng as much left to right as I was straight. Ugh. Ok, first buoy down now swim into the current to the next buoy. The comment about the swim caps being the same color as the buoys was spot on. Every time I thought I was sighting on a buoy I realized it was a swim cap from my wave. The cold of the water was quickly replaced with the anger of realizing this swim seems to be taking forever. I figured the best thing to do was stay with the "pack" of swimmers to use as my guides to get me through the course. I finally made it to the last buoy and made the turn toward the finish thinking this should go quickly with the current to my back. With no intermediate buoys for guidance the only thing to do was stay with the pack hoping we'll get to the end. We turned into gopher swimmers. Every 25 meters or so we'd all stop and pop up our heads to try and sight the swim exit...and ask each other where its at. It was only after a few minutes more that I realized that we were easily 300 or more meters off course to the right of the swim exit...which was black and in the shade...making it almost invisible. Sonuva! I was getting tired and just wanted to get out of the water by now. Ok, dig in and finish this damn thing already! I finally got to the swim exit, got out of the water and glanced down to see my watch read 44 minutes. 44 minutes?! Are you kidding me?! Ya, the water was rough but last weekend I swam an Olympic in 26 minutes...what the hell?! Well, nothing to do but get to the bike and see what time i can make up.

T1: 2:34 (my worst ever)
I have to admit, I was gassed coming out of the water. All of T1 seemed to be in slow motion and the time certainly shows it. I couldn't feel my hands or feet and they did not want to function to get me out of my wetsuit and into my cycling gear.

Ride: 24.7 miles, 1:16:44 - 19.3mph
The ride out of transition was on a sandy course and I was so fearful that the sand would accumulate and get stuck in the narrow space between my Cervelo P2's frame and rear wheel (its happened before) and lock me up but luckily I got out and onto pavement with no issue. Really?! Even on a dry day, putting expensive tri bikes on sand is acceptable? I don't think so. The bike course was uneventful but not flat. We really need to define what "rolling hills" are. That course was "hilly" to me. For some reason my GPS didn't pick up so I had no idea of speed or pace so I spent most of the course passing people and leapfrogging with another triathlete from a college team. It was a pleasant diversion too because I felt gassed out on the ride. I just wanted to get off the bike and get to the run.

T2: 1:15
Hitting the dismount point I see that its absolutely muddy slop getting into transition. I sank into ankle deep in mud with both feet trying to get to racks. Are you kidding me?! Ya, I know it rained but this is supposedly a "premiere event" and nobody thought to plan for this or better yet to fix it? Ugh! Just get the bike racked, get out on the run and get this over with.

Run: 6.2 miles, 49:03 - 7:54 pace
Within a few 100 meters on the run, my right hip started to bother me again. I've been dealing with this weird hip pain the last few weeks. I don't know if its from overuse, some change in my gait or a leftover thing from my Timberman crash but it hurts as if it needs to "pop" and can't. So...I knew this run was gonna suck and the time showed it. My GPS still hadn't picked up so it was all about passing people and making it to the turn to head back in to the finish. The last mile was over rolling hills and my hip was killing me. I wanted nothing more than to just get to the finish and that picture shows it. I crossed the finish in 2:54:58...over 40 minutes slower than the weekend before. Then, imagine my surprise when in passing I talk to one of the race staff about how crappy the course was to find out that the swim was closer to 1.2 miles than .9 miles. Are you f'ing kidding me?! That was not the way I wanted to end my season. Yes, I know "things happen" at races but Lobsterman isn't some first year mom and pop race. I expected a well put together, Ironman-like professional event and was sorely disappointed. Yes, it was a "bucket list" race to do but having done it, I wasn't impressed nor have any desire to do it again next year.

Every day...every motherfucking day!

You are better than you think, you are tougher than you think, you are stronger than you think. The only thing that separates an "athlete" from a "normal" person is the drive to get their ass up off the couch and turn themselves inside out to be better. Pain isn't a bad thing, pain reminds you that you're alive. Injury pain is one thing, soreness pain is another. The problem is most people are so accustomed to just sitting on their asses everyday, they have idea how to tell the difference. Quit listening to the voices in your head that tell you that you "can't" do it and instead scream back that you "can"! You don't have to circumnavigate the world, traverse the continents, discover a new civilization, conquer a mountain...you're greatest accomplishment will come from conquering yourself....being the master of your own body. Its not a quick fix, its not something to be done with pills or surgery or radical diets..its a journey that you take one step toward every day...every motherfucking day!

Me a model? What?!

Contrary to poplar belief I do not like pictures of myself and I hate taking them even worse. I see every thing out of place and every flaw. I rarely buy race photos because more often than not I look like a bag of smashed buttholes. I know most people hate their race photos too. But, I'm talking about the photos where other people think I look great but I think I look fat or my race gear is unacceptably askew (did I just use the word "askew"? How fancy!). I scrutinize EVERY photo taken of me at any time and drive the people taking photographs nuts. I went from being the skinny, bean pole kid to the fit Airborne Ranger (of course because of the job there were no pictures taken of me then) to the fat, eat everything in sight adult. So I've always had hang ups about how I look. Of course...then I would get into a triathlon...a sport filled with people who are physically fit and shredded whether they're competitive or not.

Imagine my level of agida when I found out that as part of my being selected as a lululemon ambassador again this year I was going to get a triathlon themed photo shoot. It coming on the heels of Timberman and my being laid up for a week and not being able to train and race properly kinda derailed my plans for being "shoot worthy". Honestly I was considering last minute lipo surgery the day prior. I was so stressed out from the camera "adding 10 pounds" more to my fluffy frame. Now I did a photoshoot last year as an ambassador. Only one image was used last year...and the photographer had trouble shooting me because I was carrying weight around my waist that was showing up on camera. Let me say that I'm not upset about the photographer telling me that. It was the truth...but it was all I could think about going into this year's shoot. The location for the shoot was "Walden Pond" (and yes it is a real place not something Thoreau imagined for a poem) and it was a gorgeous day. Imagine my surprise when the photographer walks up and is blown away by how "awesome and fit" I look and I "don't even look like the same guy he shot last year". Talk about putting my mind at ease and in the right mindset for a photoshoot! Oh, let me talk about the photographer for sec. Kadri Kurgen is this chilled, mellow cat who takes PHENOMENAL images. You can see some of his work here on his website and I suggest you like him on Facebook too. Kadri had just returned from this photoshoot of naked yogis in the desert and the images are breathtakingly beautiful. Talk about setting the bar! This was a "triathlon themed" photoshoot. We started with cycling and instead of trying to shoot me in motion I suggested we find a good spot for light and put me on a trainer. The imagery that Kadri shot was amazing, including a shot of the light coming through my aero bars/hands!

A quick change of clothes and we were on to running...right along the water of Walden Pond...awesome. Running consisted of my essentially doing 100m sprints by Kadri as he snapped images. He also would stop between shots to tell passers by that he was shooting a "famous up and coming triathlete"...oh, the looks I got. I didn't have an appreciation for what we were doing until Kadri showed me some of the images on his camera and I was awestruck. I look like a lean, muscular "Kenyon-like" runner. I dream of being that guy...but to see it in a photograph left me speechless.

Lastly was the swim. I had never dipped a toe into the water at Walden and now I know why folks love swimming there. The water was comfortable and calm (Thoroeau was spot on). This picture is the one that Kadri put on his Facebook page (told you to go like him). I actually look like a pro triathlete or a model in a print ad. Kadri is an amazing photographer and if he can me ME look like a pro...it's a true testament to his skills. I can't wait to see the rest of the photos when they get released and there will be a "3 shot" from the session made into a giant poster and put up in the Natick lululemon store for the next year (gulp). It's been one of my greatest experiences a validation of the athlete I am and want to be and fuels me for the coming year!