Allow myself to introduce myself...

Its funny that I get questions from alot of folks about "who I am" or what I think of myself or my favorite, "you seem like an interesting person". Not the least of which come when people, who only know me through social media, meet me in person. So here's a snapshot from a "25 things about yourself" that circled around my group of friends a while back. I'll do a write up of "my story" for the blog and throw in some pics for comedic relief.

1) I desperately wanted to be the cool kid in school but beyond the fact that I was a dork it was near impossible to get away with anything when my mom was a teacher in my high school and my dad was a cop in our town.When I look in the mirror I still see that dork kid.

2) The saddest day of my life was when the doctors told me that due to injury my career as an Airborne Ranger was over. I'm upset I never had the chance to lead men in combat nor did I get to leave the Army on my terms. I miss it every day.

3) I've had broken bones, surgeries, spinal meningitis, kidney stones, a broken back and pelvis before the age of 28. I figure the rest of my life should be smooth sailing. I'll sound like rice crispies but hopefully injury free.

4) I am a firm believer in the mantra of "that which does not kill us makes us stronger". Everything in our life, good or bad, helps us become the person we are. I truly believe that suffering makes you a better person.


5) Every year I treat the Tour de France like its the second coming. That's all that's playing on all the TV's in my house, its on the web and I get updates non-stop. I'm fanatical about it. I even take days off from work to watch the certain stages live (L'Alpe D'Huez is a must). I saw the Tour pass near my mother's hometown of Gaillac France in '86 and have been hooked ever since.

6) I have very few happy childhood memories but one of my fondest is my French uncle (a bear of a man) sneaking me out of his house so we could eat Lion-O chocolate bars and drink Orangina in his beautiful garden outside paris. I just thought that was the coolest thing.

7) I have 2 speeds, 100mph and 0mph. Unfortunately after all this time I've never found a speed in the middle. It has been a great cause of difficulty for me and most of the people in my life.

8) At any given time I have a thousand TV's in my head all tuned to different channels that I am indeed watching. And you wonder why I always look pre-occupied!

9) I care for my friends and family to a fault. If you're "in the circle", call me at 3 a.m. and say you need me to be there, I'm on the next plane no questions asked. I do however expect the same out of them but have been disappointed most of my life.

10) I believe like and respect can be mutually exclusive. I known plenty of people I've disliked but that doesn't mean they're not the best at their given profession.

11) I wear my heart on my sleeve. If I like you you'll know and if I don't like you, you'll definitely know that. Life is too short to put up with hidden agendas or BS. Either say what you mean or get out.

12) I love a good discussion. To sit down and have an in depth conversation with anyone is one of the best things ever. I don't care if its Schroedinger's Cat or Who's the best Bond (Connery of course!).

13) I know the craziest stuff. Wanna know who's voice is on that commercial on TV or when was the first time "x" actor was on screen? I'm your guy. However, I couldn't tell you what the inverse log of 10 was if my life depended on it. I have come to realize I have no say in what knowledge my brain retains.

14) For some reason I always feel I have something to prove and everything is a contest. I know its a terrible way to go through life and its caused more than one injury over time (see #3). That's probably driven by the fact that I grew up with a father that used to tell me "no matter how good you are there is always somebody better". I have to be the best at everything and if I can't be then I debate with myself over whether to do it all.

15) I fear death. I've seen it up close, on too many occasions and know that there are too many things I have left to do that I don't have time to die right now.

16) I have an unhealthy obsession with technology. If its a new bell or whistle I have to read/know all about it and then must have it for myself. When they find a way to install hard drives in our head and replace all our joints and muscles with nano composites, I'll be the first in line for the surgery.

17) I am constantly amazed by the human race. I find it very hard to believe that we possessed the skill to crawl out of the primordial ooze and evolve into what we've become. Or the fact that all it takes is for you to look around and see most of us haven't evolved at all.

18) I get sick to my stomach and moved to tears any time I hear "Taps" played.

19) I realized that after deep introspection that I'm an obsessive compulsive, narcissistic sociopath with low self esteem, approval issues and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Yes, ladies I am a catch!

20) I love comic books and in particular Iron Man. When you were a dork kid without a lot of friends, comic books were a great way to escape and be anyone. I, in particular, idolized Tony Stark and Iron Man. What kid doesn't want to grow up to be a genius billionaire playboy who was also a super hero. Yeah he's an alcoholic but that's a small price to pay. I know practically EVERYTHING about Iron Man and own almost every comic book. Whatever, its my one vice.

21) Learned in college that drinking and I don't agree. Its not that I don't like it, its just that I get in trouble. I'm a huge fan of Double Black Jack and Hose Cuervo but they've gotten me into more than enough trouble. I have the bone chips and scars to prove it.

22) I hate my birthday, Christmas and almost all holidays. I do however LOVE Thanksgiving and would be happy to spend all day cooking, making the turkey and enjoying the meal with family and friends.

23) I could spend all day in a movie theater watching movies. I have skipped out on class and work to do so, paying for the first show of the day and then spending the rest of the day sneaking into movie after movie. There's just something awesome about the lights going dark and getting lost in a great story for a couple of hours.

24) After leaving the Army I got up to 245 pounds on a diet of Coca-Cola, McDonalds and cigarettes. Yeah, there's ONE of fat me that exists. I've never been so ashamed or embarrassed.When I look in the mirror I still see that guy.

25) Every time I fly to Atlanta I always take time and drive out to Covington (the place I consider my hometown). I have no family left there (and until Facebook had no idea that any of my friends were there) but I drive around just to see home. I like to see the town, how its changed and am always surprised at how its become a suburb of Atlanta. I remember when the only thing to do was cruise Newton Plaza, go to El Charros, drink at the water tower or hang out at the Waffle House. I've lived all over the world and now that I live in Massachusetts I realize the greatness that is down to Earth Southern people. I wanted so very much to get out of that hick town but as I get older I'd gladly move back there in a heart beat.

By no mean is the above list all inclusive, to quote Shrek..."I am an onion" but I thought this might give you a shotgun blast about me.

The Inaugural BAA 10k, the first time in my life that negatives have been positive

I am still short the goal money I needed to raise for my charity run of the Boston Marathon. I'd appreciate any and all contributions. No amount is too small. If you are so inclined/motivated to donate just hit the button at the top right of my blog and thank you in advance. Now on to the bloggy.

Hi, my name is Dutch and I have a problem. Hi, Dutch...

No really, I do have a problem, I get caught up in the moment at start of EVERY race. The nervous energy, the "will I do well", "am I faster than that guy", "is today a PR for me", "do these shorts make me look fat"...all sorts of thoughts run through my mind. That all leads to me going out way too fast, blowing up within a few miles of a race and then fighting through pain and agony in order to finish and turn in a decent time.

Well, not this time my friends, no sir. THIS time I was finally gonna do it, I was gonna run negative splits at the Inaugural BAA 10k. Now to be honest, I was helped in that decision by looking around and seeing all the pro's and club runners warming up around me. Looking like little, fast, nimble deer in their warm up gear and here I am walking around looking like bull in a china factory the decision was made. So, knowing there was NO way I was gonna place, I decided that this would be the first race I would actually try this novelty thing called "the negative split".

So...walking up to the 7:30min pace corral I did some last minute stretching, reminded myself of the goal at hand and waited for the gun to go off. And...for the first time...when it did go off I didn't take off like a bat out of hell. Looking down at my pace, I decided to start on 7:30's and then slowly work my way down.

Miles 1,2,3-7:38, 7:23, 7:30

I wouldn't say they were comfortable miles. Not in the sense that I was hurting, rather I didn't know what to do since I wasn't hurting. I mean, isn't every race supposed to be a battle with nausea and cramping right out of the gate? Realizing that wasn't the case was a new experience. Change? We fear change... I was trying to be conservative (hence the 7:38) but hitting the turn (yes it was an out and back course...my favorite kind) I realized I could start chipping away at my pace on the way home.



Don't worry Marathon Photo,
I bought this pic it just hasnt arrived yet



Miles 4,5- 7:19, 7:12

Now I felt like I could start to speed up. I should probably run negatives knocking off 10secs per per mile but I kinda got excited when I hit the turn and then tried to make myself settle down. In hindsight I didn't need to be so conservative the first half but oh well.

Miles 6 and the .2- 7:02 and 6:23

One mile left and I felt good...like I had gas in the tank for a kick.  Contrary to my normal feeling of running on vapors and having extending conversations with the deity of choice about how, if I ever cross the finish line, I will never run another one of these stupid races again. So with only the .2mi to go I figured I should dump whatever fuel I had left.

For the first time ever, I crossed a finish line: not angry, not a wreck and actually happy with my performance. And...I might actually have been happy. I only thought other people experienced this but no, no I could too. Granted it was no land speed record at 45:39 but it was a decent time. It was however only 8secs slower than the 10k I'd run the 2 weeks prior and in that race I blew up at mile 3 and was hanging on for dear life. I'm still chasing a 40min 10k but I guess getting smarter about how to race will help.

My name is Dutch, I have a problem...but I'm working on it and am making progress...

It was my shame but now it's my pride...

As I write this I am still short the goal money I needed to raise for my charity in order to run the Boston Marathon. I was able to run (obviously) but the bill is going to come due and I'm still over $1,000 short. I'd appreciate any and all contributions. No amount is too small. If you are so inclined/motivated to donate just hit the button at the top right of my blog and thank you in advance. 

It has taken a long time for me to come to grips with the 2011 Boston Marathon. To be honest it took all my desire to train and race, hard or otherwise completely away. I have been embarrassed and ashamed of that race and my performance, or lack thereof, so I've done everything I could to not think or talk about it and move on. Then I ran across this picture in a stack of racing photos and numbers. I hate this picture. I hated it when I turned the corner and saw the cameraman taking it, I hated it when I saw it on the "proof page" for marathon photo and I hated it when it came in the mail. I ordered it however because it is an image that truly portrays how I felt from mile 13 on.

You can read about my Boston Marathon in an earlier blog post on here but a quick BLUF (bottomline up front) is that is sucked. Not sucked as in "aw, man I'm not gonna get a PR" but sucked as in "I'm so angry and in so much pain that hate everything and want to find a puppy or baby to strangle (don't worry, no children or animal were harmed during the course of my marathon)".

I will be honest and tell you that I work very hard for no one to see me in pain or struggling especially when it comes to races. I was taught as a young cyclist thats okay to be in pain...but no one shoukd ever know you're hurting lest they attack. I would love nothing better to be a machine when it comes to training and racing, able to drop a 6 or 6:30 mile pace at any distance on any day but that's not the case. When it doesn't go my way I just lock my jaw and push through. Which, in hindsight, is probably why I look constipated in most if not all of my race photos and most days at my desk ( in hindsight maybe that's why I always get those weird looks at work).

I do think however that weakness is not in the body but in the mind. The only reason you can finish well or even finish at all in some cases is because you believe you can and tell your body you will. Unfortunately for me it feels as if I have spent most of my life in damn near any of my pursuits, athletic or not, having to put my head down and telling myself to get it done no matter what. That certainly was the case with Boston. My race systematically fall apart as the miles went on. I cramped up, threw up and blew up but the thought of not finishing NEVER crossed my mind. I saw people fall down, pass out and give up all around me. I just put my head down and knew I'd suffer whatever I had to in order to finish. The face in that picture shows it.

I hated this picture...and now...I love this picture.

My Half Mary...it's been a long, long time.

Just a reminder, I have still yet to raise the required amount of money needed for the charity I ran the Boston Marathon for. As of today I'm over $1,000 short of my required goal. I'm STILL to raise money so I could really use your help. I appreciate any and all contributions. NO AMOUNT IS TOO SMALL. If you are so inclined/motivated to donate, please click the donate button at the top right of my blog and thank you in advance.


So I registered for the Worcester Half Marathon a while back thinking it would be a good follow on for Boston. Little did I know that I'd lose all my racing/training mojo after that marathon. I've slowly gotten back into racing through duathlons but those only have 2 or 3 mile long running legs. Subsequently, I haven't done a run over 4 or 5 miles since Boston...but my duathlons have been going well so I figured I'd throw in at least a 6 mile training run before the race and I should be good. Right? Right?!


As competetive as I am, I had to realize going into the race; I haven't done a half mary in over a decade and that having any expectation more than finishing would be silly (um, just because I said that out loud does not mean I thought that for real at all. I just know it's the "right thing" thing to think). I did not however expect to dislocate a rib the day prior to the race (a different one this time, long story for both how I can dislocate ribs and how this one got dislocated). Oh well, figured since I registered for it I'd just go into for fun and see how I did. If the pain was too great I could always drop out, right (yes, another thing that sounds right to say)?


So on Saturday J and I went to the "expo" to pick up our numbers and race. Said "expo" turned out to be 4 tables and a rather disjointed group of people assembling race packets. I wasn't expecting an expo the size of Boston's but sheesh. So, big pasta dinner and a good night's sleep was in order before the big day.


Luckily the race start was just down the street from J's place so no need to deal with the mess and hassle of parking. A short walk and we were there. Milling around at the start, it dawned on me that the dislocated rib, the realization that Worcester is by no means a flat city (i.e. hilly) and that I've not run over 5 miles since Boston were all conspiring to make this a less than fun endeavor. So, I tried to something a bit out of character for me...calm down and be smart. I recently read an article on Active.com that for races where you're given a chip for timing, since time starts when you cross the start line not at the gun there's no need to be at the front nor rush to be there at the gun. Since I have a terrible problem with going out to fast at the start of a race and fading over time I figured this would be a great way to approach the race. The gun sounded and we're off. Now one of the added benefits of starting at the back of the pack...is you get the great psychological boost of running by people throughout the length of a race :)


Miles 1-4: 7:44, 7:34, 7:38, 8:11
My rib was killing me. By mile 2, I made the decision to give it one more mile and if I didn't feel better I'd stop. Then I said the same thing to myself at mile 3. By mile 4 it didn't notice it anymore so I just concentrated on running. That 8min pace at mile 4 was a result of a hill...a really big hill.


Miles 5-8: 7:32, 7:44, 7:25, 7:53
I tried to settle into a comfortable groove. However it was starting to get warm so I tried running in the shade as much as possible.


Miles 9-12: 7:55, 7:55, 8:11, 8:02
Now I'm obviously starting to get tired. The lack of training at this distance is starting to set in. Add in that there was one huge, long hill, in the sun with no shade in sight before the "turn for home" and I started to slow.

Mile 13 and that .1: 8:07, 7:34
To be completely honest, by this time I just wanted it to be over. The last mile seemed to last forever. I started to pick up the pace as I passed the mile 13 marker. I crossed the finish in 1:42:45, averaging a 7:50 pace. I was shooting for at least a 1:45 so not too bad. Hindsight being what it is, had I been able to keep pressing through miles 10-13, I could've not only a shaved 2 minutes off my time but I would've been able to catch my other friend running the race (I am competitive remember). All in all not a bad day and the grin in the photo shows I am very happy to be done with the race. Oh ya, HUGE thanks to Jessie for being an awesome, one woman support staff and photographer. 

I just did it at the "Just Du It" Duathlon

Even though the Boston Marathon is over, I still have yet to raise the required amount of money needed for the charity I ran for. As of today I'm over $1,000 short of my required goal. I was lucky enough to get an extension so I could really use your help. I appreciate any and all contributions. NO AMOUNT IS TOO SMALL. If you are so inclined/motivated to donate, please click the donate button at the top right of my blog and thank you in advance.

I have to admit that I wasn't really planning to run a race this past weekend. I'd been out of the gym/off the road for 5 days and was just gonna be a lump but I got peer pressured into registering for the race (funny story actually because I registered for the wrong race! My friend wanted to do the one on Memorial Day weekend and I thought she meant the one on May 21st. I refuse to have a "DNS" so I dragged my butt out of bed to get to the race). Of course I ended up being the first racer there. So after being the test case for check-in and packet pick up I headed out to the transition area to set up. I have to admit that a duathlon transition spot looks so much smaller compared to a triathlon one. It looked like I was missing something (ya, another sport!). 

After set up I had time to chill out and make the prerequisite numerous bathroom stops required from a morning filled with water and coffee. A little warm up run and it was off to the start line. 

On the starting line I looked around to see a local that always places in the top 3 of any race he enters (ugh) and then I glance over to see a guy wearing a skinsuit of the Great Britain National Team (are you f’ing kidding me?!). So….I quickly made the assessment to just go out and enjoy my first real “race” since the Boston Marathon. I was really surprised how good I felt off the starting line. We quickly turned into the lead pack of 4 runners and pulled away from the rest of the field. I knew we were running fast but didn’t want to look down at the pace for fear it would freak me out and I’d slow down, so I just focused on hanging with the lead group. 1^st, 2^nd and 3^rd pulled away but I kept them in sight. Heading into T1 off the 3 mile run my time was 18:24 and I was 4^th overall. For whatever reason T1 was a killer. I took way longer than I wanted. I don’t know if it was because I couldn’t seem to catch my breath or I was amazed that I was 4^th overall but I fumbled with getting out of my running shoes, helmet on, grabbing fuel and a quick sip of water before hopping on the bike. That time wasted let 3 people get by me coming out of transition. 

The bike course was billed as rolling hills and a downhill toward the end. It certainly didn’t feel that way to me. I shot a GU and got some more water in me. It took me a good couple miles to get my breathing under control and settle in. By then I did notice that I need to change the stem on the tri bike. I felt way to jammed up and need to stretch out a little more (a 10mm longer stem should be just the ticket). I was also concerened that the bike course wasn't marked very well and there were a couple of times I had that sinking feeling I missed a turn. While on the bike 2 other people passed me. Now if you know me at all, you know that makes me VERY angry…cycling is MY sport and nobody is supposed to pass me. So I got angry and pedaled harder. The course was hilly and on a couple of occasions I got out of the saddle to muscle through (and yes, I know that negates all aero goodness of my sweet tri bike but I did say I was angry…). Headed into T2 off the 11 mile bike my time was 35:18 and I was in 7^th overall. 

2^nd transition went a little more smoothly but still fumbled with trying to get a drink of water and get out. Unfortunately 1 guy beat me out of transition so I left out for the last 2 mile leg in 9^th place overall. My legs felt like lead coming off the bike and I needed at least a quarter of a mile to get them settled and back on pace. I could see 7^th and 8^th place in front of me and tried to close the gap but since the final leg was only 2 miles I couldn’t catch them. I came into the finish with a 2 mile time of 14:03, finished 9^th overall and took 2^nd in my age group with a final time of 1:10:25. I have to say, I was actually proud of myself. I just did the event “to do it” and didn’t put any real pressure on myself to place. Like I said earlier, I contemplated not doing the event at all. I was very happy to get a top 10 finish and the age group placing was icing on the cake. Not a bad day. Not to mention, wearing my Polar gear and doing so well I really felt like a Pro! Big props go out to J for being my support team. It was great to have her there to chat with and keep me calm during the morning and yell out splits and words of encouragement at the transitions and at the finish! Now to register for that Duathlon this upcoming weekend….

My 2011 Boston Marathon, there wasn't the thrill of victory but there was the agony of defeat...

Although the Boston Marathon is over, I still have yet to raise the required amount of money needed for the charity I ran for. As of today I'm still $1,000 short of my required goal. I was lucky enough to get an extension to the 18th of May to hit my mark. I'd appreciate any and all contributions. No amount is too small. If you are so inclined/motivated to donate, please click the donate button at the top right of my blog and thank you in advance. Now onto the race recap...


Okay, I’ve been way overdue for race reports (I have a few in the hopper) but wanted to get this one out since it was fresh in my mind. I could, and probably will, write up an entire post about the Athlete’s village, all the people and the spectacle that is the Boston Marathon but I’m just focusing on the race and me for this post. I guess where to start with all this is that I drove into Boston last year to see the marathon expo before the 214^th edition of the Boston Marathon to see what all the hubbub was about.  I will tell you as I walked around the expo and saw all the booths and all the people participating I thought to myself "hey, I can do this". I’m fit, I’m fast and have a mileage base. I've done marathons, there’s no reason without training I couldn’t run a decent marathon time even if it was the “historic” Boston. There was a lot going on in my life at the time so I just kinda kept the desire and inner monologue to myself for months. Then while out running a local 5k with J, I mentioned wanting to run the marathon in passing. Her mom made some calls and then told me she knew how I could get a number if I wanted to run and then this quest was underway.

I have run marathons (quite a few actually) but it had been years (again, quite a few actually) since I’d run my last. There was a time when I and a group of friends in college ran marathons because it was something to do on the weekends and a reason to take trips. There was little “serious training” applied toward those events. Because of who I am and all the Army Ranger training, I have become very accomplished at being able to put my head down, fighting through the pain and finishing. That was how I got through most of those marathons, but this was Boston, the crown jewel of marathons, and I wanted this to be a special race. I wanted to not necessarily have an easy race but I didn’t want it to be a grueling slugfest to the end.

So, I got a coach and a training plan and went to work. While that “structured” marathon training started at 8 weeks out, I thought I had a great fitness base to go forward. I did all my workouts at the ties prescribed or faster. I won’t go into the week by week breakdown but 3 big things I think that are noteworthy during the training were my “long run” of 21 miles (that was completed at a 7:46 pace. I did bonk, like huge crash and burn bonk at the end, but made it through), I got the flu and missed 5 training days the week after that long run, and the 13mi training run (finished in 1:36)  8 days before the marathon (the 21 and 13 mile runs were on the Boston course). I felt good, prepared but little antsy the taper week leading up to Boston. I will say that I thought a “bad day” would have me running a 3:30 or 3:45 marathon but I thought that with my training and average pace throughout the training, I should hit in the 3:20s on race day.

My plan was to lay back and just deal with getting through the mass of humanity in the first few miles. I was in Wave 3, in the 6^th of 9 corrals. There were A LOT of people in front of me. I thought that would work in my favor. I have a tendency to go out fast for every race so this would force me to slow down, focus on navigating through people and get some space so I could settle into my pace and run.  I figured that would probably take me 2 or 3 miles, 4 at the worst and then I’d settle into a 7:45 pace.

I got a call from my coach the night prior to the race with a new plan. Run the first 8-10 miles at an 8 minute pace, run up to the 20 mile mark at 7:50s and then either hold that pace for that last 10k or use up what I had left in the tank for the finish. The purpose being it would hold me in check during the “downhill” portion of the marathon and give me legs to get through the uphill section to 21 without bonking. I will say that this new plan completely freaked me out and I said as much. I am very much a creature of habit. I train as I fight (there’s the Army creeping in again) so if I train at 7:45s then that’s how I’ll run. Now I need to run to a new pace. Because I wasn’t accustomed to the 8 minute mile, I was afraid I’d expend precious energy in the early part of the race “chasing the pace” (i.e. would look down and see 7:45, know that was too fast, layoff the gas, hit 8:10 then need to speed up to hit 8s) but that was the plan and I'm a good soldier so let’s go with it.

So come the following morning, I step across the line in Hopkinton and the race begins:

First five miles: 8:52, 8:00, 7:51, 7:54. 8:09
Like I said I knew the 1st mile or 2 would be a toss up because of all the people. I spent alot of time weaving between bodies and trying to find a "clean" running lane. Every time I glanced down to see my pace I was at a 7:45, plan was to hold 8's so I'd slow down to get there and then like clockwork I'd fall to 8:05 or 8:10 and have to speed up again. It was really nice to see my chiropractor Dr. G on the sidewalk cheering me on. If not for him keeping this bag of bones together I don't know if I could've done Boston at all. But I was really focused on my pace so I could only gave him a quick nod. As you can see by the pace breakdown, I was working very hard to get to and stay on 8 minute miles. I felt good, not great. It was warm. Granted it was in the mid 50's but when you live in MA and the normal temps were in the 40's...it felt warm.

Miles 6-10: 7:52, 7:59, 8:00, 7:53, 7:58
The only thing I was focused on was trying to hit 8 minute miles. It was a challenge to say the least. I was constantly looking down at my pace to see where I was and constantly adjusting to try to stay on 8's. I hit the 8 mile mark and realized I wasn't feeling great so I figured holding 8 minute miles out to the 10 mark might give me some time to recover and worst case I'd make that my pace for the rest of the marathon and end up with a finish time in the 3:30's. I had a friend hand me a carbo drink at the 9 mile mark and I sipped away at that over the next 2 miles.

Miles 11-15: 8:18, 8:22, 8:38, 8:44, 9:04
I hit the 11 mile mark and was tired. I felt as if I'd been running for a lot longer than 11 miles. I think that the energy I expended chasing that 8 mile pace for the first 10 miles physically and mentally exhausted me. That amount of energy should've gotten me to 18 or 19 and here I was only at 11. Ugh. The only highlight was having my personal cheering section. I didn't realize it but my yoga teacher Maria was on the sidewalk and jumped 10 feet in the air when she saw me. That might have put the only smile on my face for the race. Just before 13, while running through Wellesley I didn't feel well.  In the midst of having a "I wonder why I don't feel well" discussion with myself, I threw up. In stride mind you because I wasn't gonna slow down for nothing! I was happy to have at least got a "...did you see that guy throw up and keep running? That was awesome!" yelled from some girl on the side of the street. I felt a little better but it took a little out of me as you can see my pace slowed after that. I knew that my new focus would be to replenish water and electrolytes because of what I was losing/just lost.

Miles 16-20: 8:55, 9:43, 10:50, 10:06, 11:11
I made sure I grabbed water and Gatorade at each mile marker (as in stride as possible) and sipped them to replenish. I knew that J was just on the other side of 17 with another carbo drink so I had the bonus of not only getting some fuel but also seeing a friendly face with words of encouragement to perk me up to look forward to. As the picture can attest, I needed all the perking up I could get. I was exhausted. There is something to be said when you realize this and STILL have 9.2 miles of running left to go. I just leaned forward and kept going. After the 17 mile mark is where you turn right at the fire station in Newton and head uphill. After cresting that hill I threw up again. This is where I had a moment of panic. I tried hard to get back to running a decent pace but throwing up again made me quickly realize I was gonna lose/losing the hydration/electrolyte balance that is so key to long distance events. My focus immediately changed. It went from a "let's keep this pace or that pace" kind of operation to a "lets focus on what's important and salvage what we can" type of operation. For those of you that now me or know the story, this was the 2009 Chicago Triathlon all over again (that one however was because of an error with the events staff/organizers). I had to now make sure I grabbed water and Gatorade at every mile marker from here on out to try and limit the damage.

Miles 21-25: 12:28, 10:46, 11:59, 12:16, 12:52
Now I'm just struggling to get back in any kind of running rhythm. You can see that miles 19-21 I went 10's, 11's and 12's minute pace respectively. At mile 21 I threw up again. Now, there is nothing left in the tank. I'm fighting through nausea (ever time I tried to pick up the pace I fought the urge to vomit so I'd lay off the gas), muscle cramping/seizing and I'm angry. I mean really angry (about a long list of things but this really isn't the forum for that discussion). For those of you that don't know me...welcome to MY fuel. Unfortunately, I am great at performing angry. I have the ability to turn off the world, focus on what I'm most mad about and that can, and has, got me through everything difficult in my life to the finish. When other people give up or quit, I can run on angry vapors forever. So time to buckle down and go down swinging. I got the pace back down in the 10's and then 11's, 12's respectively again. I saw the infamous Citgo sign and knew I was close to the end, so I gave it everything I had left. You know my motto..."you can throw up at the end". Sure I threw up 3 times already but I'm sure I had something left. Mile 26 went down at an 11:54 pace, that .2 mile end of the race was run at a 10:05 pace and my 2011 Boston Marathon was over. I will tell you that one of the main things that kept me going toward the end was knowing I'd get to add the very desirable,  and in my opinion the my very much earned, Boston marathon medal to my collection. That is why there's a smile creeping into my face.


I was and still am disappointed. My goal was never "just to finish". Hell, for those of you that know me...not finishing is never an option. I would've crossed the finish line with pneumonia and on two bloody stumps if I had to (ya, ask me about that forced road march in Ranger School). My goal was to have what I deemed to be a respectable time for me. I'm embarrassed by that overall time and by my pace throughout the second half of the marathon. Those aren't my numbers. That is only applicable to me. Everyone has their own pace for their own events but those aren't the kind of numbers I expect for myself. I firmly believe that if you aren't disappointed when you don't accomplish your goal, therein lies failure. My body has recovered. The day after Boston I logged a 21 mph bike ride and I'm back running again. I hope if the weather holds this weekend I can go out for an 8 or 10 mile run on Sunday. I don't know what to think moving forward. I will continue to train and race. I don't know if I want to do another marathon or if I have any desire to do Boston again, only time will tell.

And let me just clear this up before I get the standard "this is just one race" or "its not failure but what you learn from it" crap. I've had 7 surgeries, a broken back, a broken pelvis, broken more other bones than I desire to count, had spinal meningitis and kidney stones, and a very successful career and as Airborne Ranger leader while dealing with all that and the Army STILL had to tell me "thanks for playing but you can't do this anymore" and medically board me out for me to discontinue my service. Three years ago I weighed 245 pounds, had a size 38 waist and dragged my ass back into the gym to get back in shape and start being competitive again. I'm now normally around 168 pounds and frequently turn a sub-6 minute mile. I'm a walking poster child for "knocking the dust off and getting back up".

Right now I think I'm gonna get back to the type and frequency of training that allowed me to pick any race on a weekend and do well. I will always fight on to the next Ranger Objective...

The Worcester Celtic Pride 5K. Ya, I focused on the big picture but it all got fuzzy.

I am still short the goal money I needed to raise for my Boston Marathon run for charity. I'd appreciate any and all contributions. No amount is too small. If you are so inclined/motivated to donate just hit the button at the top right of my blog and thank you in advance.

Yes I was in the middle of marathon training but if I go for more than a couple weeks without racing I go crazy. So, I figured why not squeeze in an easy 5k? Its not much race mileage, should be fun and I'd still be able to go out and do the 13 mile training run I had on the schedule. Now the Celtic 5k is one of a 3 part 5k racing series that takes place in MA and RI. I considered racing all 3 to see how I'd fair but decided to just go with race in Worcester since it's so close to my house. The race happened only a few hours before the Worcester St. Patty's Day parade so there was a TON of people out to offer support while they were setting up in their spots to watch the parade. And, since it was pretty much the only race going on in the area that weekend and it was a "series" race, there was a A LOT of people racing. Notice I didn't say running. Yes, when you go to any race the participants are broken down into 2 classes: people "running" and people "racing". And now a public service announcement from me: As an FYI, the "racers" are normally adorned in local running club attire or sporting their marathon of choice clothing. Being in Massachusetts means "racers" are normally wearing BAA or any of 3 or 4 high end running club's gear or Boston "qualifier" clothing. They normally look like little gazelles and are warming up and stretching frantically before the start. If you see these people, they are taking this race seriously and are hoping for a placing or top ten finish. And now back to the recap. All that contributed to a "mini-Boston" kind of feel that was kind of cool (although after running Boston it wasn't even 5% of what I would experience at the Mara).

There were quite a few things this race had going for it (at least for me): First off it was on a chilly morning. Yes, I consider myself a Southern boy but I don't run well in the heat anymore. The cooler, the better. Second, it was an out and back course. I LOVE out and back courses. Yes, the turn might suck a little but it helps me gauge pace going out and coming back and if I can see the finish it motivates me to stay fast throughout instead of living off mileage markers to know where I am in the race. Lastly, it was flat...I mean damn near pancake flat! The race had expected pace corrals also set up and asked people to self seed. So, even though I knew I wasn't supposed to go all out I figured I'd move my way toward the front and see how I'd fare. The race starts and I'm off. I went out a little too fast (see the trend here...). And by fast I mean fast! I hit the 1st mile in 5:55 without even realizing it (and I was only in the top 50 with that time). Part if me was excited (come on, who doesn't want to be speedy?!) and part of me got concerned. I did have a 13 mile run on the schedule today after all (that longer mileage after and all out race is gonna suck).

So, I laid off the gas... or so I thought. The turn was hairpin, so a little precarious, and we were back on our way to the finish. I hit the 2nd mile marker...at 12:30. So much for laying off the gas. I was surprised actually. I felt good, I wasn't winded, nor hanging off for dear life which is my usual race regimen. It struck me that I could grab a PR. That elusive animal all we runners chase. I set a 19:54 at the 5k distance a year earlier (yes I have run a 19:30 but I was 20 at the time so that does not count now at my advanced age, with a broken body and over a decade layoff from racing) and I realized that I could beat it. Talk about a devil and angel sitting on your shoulders! In the span of about 30 seconds I ran through every discussion in my head. Should I turn on the gas and try for the PR? Should I lay off the gas since the focus of the winter was training for Boston and just finish? Or...should I stay at my current pace and just see how I fare? In the end I settled with Boston being the ONLY thing I should be focusing on and laid off the gas...finishing in 19:54 which put me 63rd out of 1426. Are you f'ing kidding me?! 19:54 and I laid off the gas? Sonuva!!! Yes, I know that I wasn't supposed to be "racing" the 5k but like I ever show up for a race to run "just for training" or "just for fun" even.Yes I know that there was a bigger picture but I am me after all. I could've smashed a PR. You know as a runner, when yo get fast, bating a PR by even 15 seconds is a big deal. We're talking I could've cut a minute, even 90 seconds off my PR. Ugh!

Think I could just get over it and move on? Why no, what do you think I got to ponder the whole time during the aforementioned 13 mile training run? Yup...welcome to being me. Note to self: if you have a chance to set a PR you'd better do it no matter what. If not...it will sit somewhere in that 90% of your brain you don't use and pop up at the most inopportune times...