Oh, the last few days have been a trifecta of shit-tastic-ness. Professional/personal/health...all a mess. But losing water at my apartment (water main break that shut down the entire property's water, ooph) was a blessing in disguise because it forced me to go get a workout in. Ya, that’s a look of satisfaction after a HEAVY lift...after a week out of the gym...where I was pushing weight...I’ve NEVER pushed before. I guess eating right and trying to get sleep but NOT smashing my bags training everyday is an approach that pays off. I honestly never would’ve believed that. Ever.
Speaking of, I was having a conversation with a buddy of mine today about the stuff I’ve been dealing with and he was like “I had no idea, I’ve been having similar issues and couldn't figure out why” and "you need to talk to more folks about this...it cant just be us that's experiencing this".
So, here’s the deal. I have run myself so ragged for so long that it’s had serious effect on my body. How so? Well in addition to the life and the training/racing ans the breaks and tears and surgeries and "procedures" over the last few years...complete adrenal fatigue...that’s resulted in: weight gain (while not eating), speaking of - little or no appetite...ever, constant fatigue which leads to inability to recover, brain fog, gut issues, tremors, even though exhausted -inability to sleep, inability to get RESTFUL sleep (I haven't dreamt or had REM sleep with any regularity in years...and you know what no sleep does to the body/mind) and a host of other physical issues. Then add in the deteriorating back, pelvis, ankles and knees...and the pain and discomfort those generate...oh ya, AND the mental state the aforementioned has created. All added together has completely wiped me out.
Look, it's not like I haven't been seeing docs and trying to figure out what's going on. But, it’s taken me years, literally, to find a team of health care folks to listen to me (an A++ personality-ed, high performing athlete-person that knows something’s wrong) as opposed to giving me the standard “you’re healthier than x percent of the population, you’re fine” crap answers I’ve been getting from docs. Even more importantly that team has given me a path forward and hope that this will be fixed. And when something’s not working, there’s something else to try. And...there’s no giving up until we get it fixed. Because it's fixable! That's led to a whole package revamp if you will (meds, food, workout regimens, mental approaches, mental outlook) that's constantly under review.
I can’t even begin to explain how that's helping...physically and mentally. Bottom line? Different tests by a different group of docs, experienced with multisport & bodybuilder athletes, who are knowledgeable and that aren't the the first to say "well, you're getting older" or "you've been through so much you're just not going to be the old you" or "what do you expect? you're x age". That's complete and utter bullshit. And yet a standard line fed to us by society AND docs now. It’s a work in progress, I'm a work in progress and it’s baby steps of progress right now...but it’s PROGRESS.
So...do not take "no" or "your fine" as an answer. I swear to the gods that if I have one more doc tell me "if my patients were as healthy as you are, I'd be out of a job", I'll set a building on fire. Ya doc, but I'M not a 100%, could we focus on getting ME better?!?! No it's not your "age". No, you're not "crazy" (well ya, maybe you are but that's not the reason you're not performing optimally". There is a symptom and there's always a cure or at the very least a fix. Don't settle for any answer that's less than that.
Is it a struggle? Yes. Are the changes happening as fast as I want (do you even know me?!0. Never, But, for the first time, in a long time...I’m looking forward to the future and getting back to being "me".